Power Trip

Things you can do when you and I are mutual friends:  Touch me; talk to me, about pointless as well as serious things.  If we are not friends, you are not allowed to do these things and I become angry.  For some reason Mothball seems to think we are friends.  False.  We were friendly acquaintances....then heat happened.
She was supposed to get declawed and fixed Friday,but for some straaaange reason, it didn't happen.  And Mothball is in heat, AGAIN.  This is TWICE in a WEEK AND A HALF.  Which means another week of touchyfeelylovemewhileImeownonstopforhoursonend.  I can't. I just can't. 
k.

Today I am trying to read and take notes, you know, college-y things while when Mothball slinks in. ugh.  Alright alright focus...She is brushing against my legs. I repress a shudder. When you can't stand a certain thing, any contact becomes cringe-worthy. 
Breeeeeeeeeaaaatheee.....Reeeaaadddd....Nooooottesss
Throughout my study session, Mothball decides that my legs are just not enough but that she must be RIGHT next to me, in my face, and of course, touching me. Nonono. after throwing her off the ocunter several times, I barricade the edge with various available objects: Coffeemaker, toaster, k-cup boxes, cleaning spray coffee bags etc.  She decides to climb upon the garbage, jump on the counter and Nuzzle The Great Wall of Anti-Mothball. ahhhh. put random objects on garbage can. She proceeds to knock them down. This is not a very productive homework session.  Move garbage away from counter.  SHE MANAGES TO LEAP OVER THE WALL.  I am .000000012390123809 a nerve away from opening the window and allowing her the opportunity to explore the rooftop view.....forever.

All of a sudden, my being has brilliant idea.  I enthusiastically whip open the cupboard under the sink where there is a nearly empty spray bottle. Rinserinserinse, test nozzle- squirtsquirtsquirt- and cue the evil laugh and gleam in the eye.
Casually, I return to my studies, but with a (eager) peripheral eye on Mothball....and I wait...BINGO! She pounces, and I do to.  I give a warning, "Mothball, get down..."Then I attack.  Squirtsquirtsquirt! Bullseye! Full misting power in le face.  It is beautifully, immediately effective.  Evil laughter and excitment race through my veins.  I holster my weapon.  She jumps on the table. AHA! squiirtsquirtsquirt! I am on a roll.  I am mad and power hungry.  Life has just brightened.  Their are so many possibilities! 


BONUS STORY:  ALFRED CLEANED THE APARTMENT!! Kitchen anyway But he CLEANED. I was so impressed. My heart was leaping.  You see earlier that day I had asked him to clean the bathroom.
I don't like to be told when to clean.  That's why I moved out of my parents.  I'll clean on my own time."
Not said meanly or snottily, just said.
"And I get that!  That's fine.  It just needs to get done or it gets gross."
"Right, yeah"
So I'm just wondering if we could do a week by week alternation...?"
No response. I left fuming.
But then I came home and he's vacuuming and cleaning the stove, garbage, EVERYTHING!  The bathroom wasn't done, but hey This is progress compared to a month ago....


Barney
Dr. Who
fresh prince
grumpy cat